Feeling Like a Kite

I feel like I am loose in the wind. I was saying to Cheyne yesterday that our kiddos are nice grounding for me, because I am always thinking or singing or praying (the desperate frantic waited til the lastsec to deal with that one kind of prayers.) But recently I realized how temporal and flawed it is to count on ANYTHING external or, dare I say, earthly to pull us back to this fine place we dwell on. So that is what I am meditating on, praying about, and trying to conceive right now. Trying to pin down the elusive peace, at least a scrap. I want to be more trusting, more deep, less flighty, way more self confident, less needy, etc, etc, etc......but I have finally gotten that I cannot give myself those things. I can change my behavior, write down my dreams, keep an open mind, lose 10 pounds, practice affirmations-still, I have to finally surrender. To my Maker. I have to trust Him in a way I have never been able to trust anyone. And I know alot of folks feel that, but I mean it literally. I have to know He Has my back, someone is with me, I am not alone.

This is the BIG STUFF work of my life.

Pray for me!